6 Important Reasons Why You Think You Suck.
Chapter 2
Nwakaego connects to a think tank virtual team meeting. The subject matter is one she has strong specific knowledge on. She becomes very opinionated. Along the line, all her ideas get bashed, left, right and center. Her ego kicks in (not like it went anywhere in the first place), heart-racing, flushes, and sweaty palms.
What’s a sister got to do?
Well, there’s need to practice to remain centered in times of uncertainties. People are going to goof up many times. I’m sorry but we can’t help it. It’s what being human is about (all Martians please stand up). When people are too conscious of failing, making a blunder or being plain old silly, they become constricted and stifled.
People with growth mindset bring awareness to themselves and their experience. They are present and observe whatever each moment brings. Like Nwakaego, after all the initial flustering, she quickly realizes that there’s no point in resisting whatever was happening in the meeting with her colleagues or fixating her mind on how the meeting should proceed. She rests in herself, kept an open mind and the meeting was seamless.
According to Dianne Flynn, there are 6 roadblocks to the growth mindset, and they all appear to share the same characteristic fear, self-doubt, and imposter syndrome. I would also share how I attempt to deal with them in my life.
6 Roadblocks to Growth Mindset.
1. Lack of confidence
People that lack confidence might hold off applying for a job because they feel they won’t get it. They don’t write that article because they think nobody would read it or they need to learn more (Great! Let’s know when you’re the knowledge hub of the world). They don’t take up a task because they feel they haven’t done it before. It is synonymous to the imposter syndrome — where people feel like they’re a fraud.
What can a brother do about it?
Immobilize the voices in your head and change the script to address the self-limiting beliefs.
Who are you trying to please? Focus on the impact you want to have. Tune into your message and tune out of your ego. Remember that everything is a process, and you’d learn and be better as time goes on.
Surround yourself with people who would support, motivate, and encourage you all the time.
Having a growth mindset doesn’t mean that you would always be confident, but it’s a guarantee that it won’t stand in your way of taking actions.
2. Fear of failure
The enemy is fear. It’s been fear all along.
People don’t step up to responsibilities because they fear failing and people would mock them or gloat at their failures.
What can you do?
Reframe failure. Know what stories you are telling yourself about the failure then redefine it. Remember that It’s all in your head (Brings to memory the song “Clint Eastwood” by Gorillaz).
Growth means you would sometimes fail.
“Show me a thoroughly satisfied man and I will show you a failure.” — Thomas Edison
Welcome feedback. Critical feedback can be difficult to receive. But recognize that it is required to help you grow. Remember that room for improvement doesn’t equate to failure.
Use memento mori.
Remember that we all die one day. Use the inevitability of death to take action. Ask yourself what’s the worst that can happen?
I pray that one day we all stop being afraid and do all that we want to do!
3. Fear of success
People fear what could be different when they succeed. They could put off running because they wonder how they’d keep up doing it 3–5 times a week for the next 30 years. That thought alone could be overwhelming, isn’t it? How do they keep up with that new identity? They are now in uncharted territory, and the fear could make them sabotage their own success.
When we try and fail, we could easily go back to what we know because it’s our comfort zone. People also fear to succeed because they feel there’d always be someone who does it better.
What can people do?
Know what makes you uncomfortable about success. Define it and write it down. Take each step at a time and don’t worry about the long run yet but be more concerned about now. Give yourself time. Celebrate your achievements and reduce the pressure you put on yourself to continually prove yourself.
Redefine success and be sure of what success means to you. Use the 5 whys technique to expose the root cause of your fear (the principle of “5 whys” proposes that if your encounter a problem, you ask why five times to expose the root cause).
4. Perfectionism
Perfectionists want it all (99% isn’t good enough). They are highly critical of themselves and of others, they are motivated by fear, highly result-oriented and can be plagued, ironically, by procrastination — procrastination because the fear of failure keeps them from taking action.
Sounds familiar? What can be done?
Perfection is an illusion. Enjoy the process of any task and be comfortable knowing you gave your best.
Ask how perfectionism is holding you back. How did it start with you?
Know that a growth mindset involves attempting things that are difficult and could lead to less than perfect result.
5. Inertia
The problem of inertia is that of having difficulty in taking action or getting started. People know what needs to get done but don’t know how to start. They want to start writing but don’t know what to write about or what medium to use.
A way forward?
Plan and break larger tasks into smaller bits (about having a technical mindset). Have a time when you work and won’t be bothered and don’t forget to start small.
Set your sights on the purpose behind every task.
Find an accountability partner. Have someone to share your goals with.
6. Feeling stuck
People often feel stuck when they don’t know what they want. It can happen at different phases of their process. For example, when they first start writing, they give their all on that first article that made them aspire to become a writer. After that, it seems they hit a brick wall.
How do we move?
Take time for self-reflection — understand your core values, talents, strengths, weaknesses. Listen to others’ feedbacks and coalesce it with your own reflection of yourself. People are not necessarily bound by order; you can start anywhere. Just keep moving!
People are work in progress so it’s helpful to be patient with everyone. Remember to extend that patience generously to yourself.
Don’t forget that people attract the energy they give.
I would like to read your thoughts on how you deal with any of these roadblocks or if there are other obstacles that hinder you from being a higher version of yourself.
